An inevitable truth

I was just laying in bed with my husband, window blinds just opened, morning light coming through.

No alarm to go off, I looked at my phone to see the time and saw messages from my sister. Missed calls. Something is up. I felt it. As I try to call back, a few missed calls from my little brother came through. A photo is sent and it’s not pleasant.

The dreaded call, you knew was going to happen one day, all regarding my biological mother.

That one day, the call about her drinking going too far. The illness and addiction that takes many.

It’s happening. I knew it was coming. I’ve mentally prepared.

While we’ve not had the best relationship as an adult, after processing my childhood and her decisions there and now going about life, it still pains to know she’s going. Leaving earth soon.

Being across the world currently stings, I want to help my siblings in this very moment. I want to be there for my mom. (I don’t say “my mom” often. 

She birthed me. I’m alive because of her.

Some days later, I made the trip down as things escalated and most likely won’t be the doctors first prognosis of “3months.” I needed to be here to to help support my siblings. We all needed each other.

As we gathered around her, in her last days, we spoke to her, letting her know she was loved and not alone.

We shared memories, laughter, tears, and pain. We argued, got annoyed with each other and called each other bitches, mom knew it was really us then.

We held hands, hugged, and cherished the now.

I’m happy that she’s at peace, that she’s helping many through donation, and that she no longer has to suffer from the illness and addiction of alcohol.

Spend time with those you love, hug them and let them know you are there.

I know it’s difficult to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped especially with matters of alcohol, but them knowing you are there, I have to believe keeps them going. That they may be self-medicating and escaping but we can be there to help lesson their pain too. That if possible, the trauma and damages done can be set aside to grieve the death of a human being, a person who experienced earth. I love you momma.

To have kindness, compassion, and love.