A letter to my inner child

2020, living in Switzerland, a month into lockdown.

I know you feel stuck but your abusers aren’t around. I know you feel isolated but you are not being told to stay home from him. You are staying home to be safe. To keep others safe. You are not having to hide but to take shelter for you and everyone around you so the world can catch up.

I hope you find some peace and healing during this time of uncertainty. That you face all the emotions coming your way, validate, and dissect. To consciously choose to stand before the collective of suffering going on in your mind playing what if scenarios and mind games that rise during times of change. The push and pull between one day things feeling good and the next complete shit. All of that is okay. Keep writing, stay brave.

I know you can’t be outside for that long, we’re cooped up in a space that may make one feel stuck and closed in. You can’t go see your friends or family, you can’t go to a restaurant and get some bomb ass food. The taste of a fresh meal sitting down in the environment it was created in. You can’t catch a flight to explore an area of the world you’ve been dying to see. The can’t are temporary. The world needs rest, needs peace.

It’s tough right now. In this moment, I feel you. I see you. I understand you. Feelings of anxiety and fears bubbling and brewing in your heart and soul. Wondering how long this will play out and what the world will look like after. If people will take certain matters seriously and stay the home. If people will take a moment during this time to reflect and do their part to better the world going forward.

It’s tough right now. I’m proud of you for taking it day by day, hour by hour sometimes. I’m with you. 

I’ve been honoring my inner child of abandonment and neglected wounds, abuse and isolation tied to the secrets going on at home growing up, not being able to leave the house aside from school for many many years. Surrendering to all the feelings, validating them, calming her, mothering her.