Prioritizing biological reunification

We need to quit denying the current reality of children in foster care, choosing to push aside the obstacles and challenges that are present for biological parents, and continue to ask better questions to ensure reintegration(reuniting) of families. Let’s also stop comparing prospective adoptive families to biological parents current circumstances like adoptive family having a better home or stable jobs. Biological parents ability to parent and provide a loving home shouldn’t be graded upon their current life circumstances or struggles rather how they fight to improve it in the urgency of getting their children back even it takes longer than someone with the right resources, family support and financial security.

We need to be asking: “how can I help?” versus “figure it out.” We need to have more patience and understanding than judgement.

We need to highlight what work parents have done to get their kids back

versus

focusing solely on what’s not been accomplished on a constantly evolving case plan.

We need all the empathy and compassion for families who are trying so hard but little things keep them further and further away from their children. Gaps in services. Lack of resources.

To ask frequently, "what service or resource would be helpful for you?”.

To advocate

To restore confidence

To foster hope and resiliency in the wake grief.

Too often we forget parents are also grieving a loss when their children come into foster care. Often outburst or emotions such as anger and confusion labeled as “emotionally unstable or unhinged/disruptive behavior.” Too often we forget so many do not have the luxuries or privilege of what it takes to accomplish all the necessary steps and within sometimes constricted timelines. Often labeled as “they don’t care enough, lazy.” Too often we forget children are grieving a loss being separated from their parents. Acting out sometimes getting labeled as “SED or Conduct disorder” the list goes on really.

We cannot forget that children in foster care and biological parent(s) are in survival mode.

grieving.

confused.

worried.

anxious.

We often forget that the goal for child welfare agencies and professionals is not to make families perfect but to ensure a return to safety.

P.S. if you are someone who needs to know why I speak on this matter: number 1: I care. Other: I spent 5 years in foster care. Beat the odds and graduated with a master in clinical Social Work and worked as a Special Needs Reintegration Case Manger.

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